OKAY, HERE IT IS!

OKAY!! I just want to say I have kept you all waiting long enough..
Here it is.. I told you all I have a acting coach, I could not go all the way to California and not try to make it onto the Red Carpet! So anyway... I went to do some headshots for my portfolio, I will show them later on but I have not even seen them because I seem to spend a lot of time in Kentucky.

So The photographer said that he knows someone that is looking for a face just like mine and that he is into commercials yet he also dabbles in some films .. MY FACE LIT UP and I was like really? He said you have what every person is looking for.. You are a free spirit is what he said! :O

Anyway... So Your Very own Hannah is going to end up in a commercial hopefully! if not I had fun just posing for the pics and I have so much fun in the classes.. So yeah That is MY big surprise.. I don't know what the commercials will be but hey! IT IS A START! for right now he told me to focus on food, lol he said I was too small I need a sammich so anyone want to take me out to a couple lunches or dinner??? lol

I have also learned to be out of sight here lately, going through something and well it is not that bad but at the same time I need to disappear....I feel that in some ways, me being away is what people need!! BUT I AM HAPPY!! and Next time I will have another surprise! lol I love keeping yall in the loop!!!!

Hannah!!!!!!!

I got a SURPRISE!!!

I have a surprise for all of yall in like a week! I know I know I am not a surprise kinda girl! I don't like to be surprised I want to know everything right then and then, but this time you have to wait.. You have to!! It is going to be soo good you are going to be so glad that you waited to either see, hear or both.. Just wait!!!

Love Yall!!

Hannah!

Do You Really "NEED" It?

Today I took a walk down memory lane, while I was out shopping with Paul..He said something that reminded me of my daddy.

Ever since I was a small girl, all of my wants and my needs have been met. My dad always made sure that we had it, even if it meant him staying at the office pretty much all night long.

Daddy always used to say, The only thing you really "NEED" is your needs, everything else is a luxury that you get every now and again. Nebaby, Money is something that you have to work really hard for, you will understand when you grow up and finally get a job of your own, you NEED to learn how to hold onto money.

I thought about a lot today, Mostly my needs. I kept on asking myself if my crying, pain and loneliness was something that I needed, and it is.. Surprised I learned this? We need heartache and such sad memories in life sometimes to help us get over other bad humps that we all go through or will eventually go through.. We need loneliness to Love and and cherish the time we have people around us..

Yes, I am 20 years old and I have learned this, not because I wanted too but because I needed to and this life was handed to me. When I think about my daddy I don't think in sadness anymore I think in happiness, because of him I am ready for the next step of my life. When I think about him or think about his words that he used to tell me, I see it as him putting his arms around my shoulders and giving me a pat on my back. I hope everyday with every decision that I make I am making him proud . I have a job that pays well and I am really good at.. I have my own house, car and some great friends that I will carry with me throughout life.

When I approach a situation, whether it is loneliness, sadness or anything other thing I can hear him in my head say Yes Nebaby you do....or the question that always came with my shopping Do You Really Need It?

Whining...........

I slept in today, and by sleeping in I mean I did not get up until like 4pm~ish..
I have not felt good at all for at least 3 mths, I try to forget about it throughout the day but today it really got to me.. I got up and met my friends at the airport and then came home and just rested to the point where they took my jeep and went to L.A. without me and I really did not care..

I wanted sleep, rest from pain.. Graves is something that I don't wish on noone.. Oneday you can see the next day you are pretty much blind.. Your legs and everything hurt so bad that you just decide to give up.. Only for a moment right now.. but I am wondering when I will just say that I am really sick and tired of being sick. I dunno and I guess it really does not matter at this point, I am moving on and hoping this disease don't kill me before I get a chance to do all that It is I want to accomplish in my life.. I lie every time I open my mouth about how good I feel, I don't want anyone to feel down or to be worried about me.. I just want to see my friends and family happy...

Okay enough whining I think I am going to go back to sleep and or lay here wondering about the one regret that is killing me right now..

Shalom!

A Bunch Of NOTHING!!!

First off let me say, I am sorry I have not been to your blogs! This apology goes out to the ones that really count in my life. I am sorry that, I don't get to chat and talk to you all like I normally do. It is not that I want it to be like this It has to be because I am still getting use to being in a different zone.

Okay lets pass the apologies and go to, I have missed a lot of you all.. I will be at your blogs before I head back to Cali tomorrow! but at this point I have to aire out and or vent.. can I do this for a min? If you said NO I am going to do it anyway!!

I want you all to know that I am fine, I promise.. I think I have had to say this many times. NO need to send emails.. I am away from the computer a lot due to just moving to California that is all. I promise to you I AM FINE! Shit I think better than Fine I just stepped on the scale this morning and I was 6lbs lighter, I don't know where it left from because I sure cannot fit until my jeans... Im just saying!! Anyway I am good....I did not run away and get married, but incase you went out and bought me a gift for me save it, I am sure I will be marrying Someone in Hollywood soon! ie..Denzel Washington.. Oh I have a list of them I could marry at anytime..

On the last post I said I had a surprise to tell ya but since it was so long ago I will just say I am taking Acting Classes, SO I just may end up on a commercial really soon or maybe just straight on the Red Carpet!! lol I am trying to keep busy, keep my mind off of things and finally just being ME!

I don't have a lot to say this time, I am going back to Cali on Tues! soo I am there if you want contact me and I am not online, Send me a message at Danestorm1@gmail.com.. I am getting rid of Singlendacity89 email soon! I am not cool anymore I have nothing to blog about! lol

I Love yall!!
Hannah!!!!

Checking IN...

So, I am in California.. A state that I never even had a desire to live in.
I was suppose to sign a 6mth lease today but I ended up only signing a
3 mth lease. I am the type of person that does not want to commit to
something like this without ya know really liking it. I met up with one
of my many bosses Bob, that was almost an hour late picking me up from
the airport. Then on to check into the hotel room.

Avi met me there so that he could take me to the apartment to sign the
lease. After everything was settled and I went shopping, I decided it was
time for me to take a nap. I have been laying across this bed forever, I did
go out to eat, but I ordered in. I am getting ready to just lay here and read
a book and then, we all know what will happen, I am going to go to bed. I am
going to a rock climbing place in the morning for some cardio.. then I am going
to get ready to come home, I don't know I may stay a lil while longer. I dunno.

Something great has happened to me since I arrived I guess I should tell ya,
but then again I will tell you in the next post or at least one of them. lol

I miss all of yall, and well I guess this is where I am suppose to be. BOB says hi..
and we are getting ready to give each other facials.. So CD there is your answer!!

Hannah!!

House needing to become a HOME!

Imagine the picture here until Blogger allows me to upload it! hahahahahah


Some people think that a house is a home when the family is there.
In my house, while growing up with a whole lot of Jewish women,
I learned a house turns magically into a home, once you step into a
Kitchen and start getting the feasts together..

I received a picture of my kitchen today on the apartment that
is waiting for me.. It is wonderful.. but right now I need to get a
lot of family together.... Meaning my friends so that we can turn
my house into a home soon!!

I did not get the job in Canada so I will be setting up home in
California, until I get tired and become a gypsy of some sorts. lol



I love you all so much and I am going to miss being here all the time
telling you all about what it is I am doing or that I have fallen and
busted my ass or whatever... You all have been my family for soo long.

I will be around, in messenger from time to time and I am not going to
RUN away from blogging, this will be something that will come in handy
when I am ready to blow the office up! lol

Yes, the cry baby is crying again because... Damnit I love yall Still got
a little while before I head out but I am packing and thinking... Damnit they
have forgotten me already!!! DAMN YOU ALL! hahahaha

TAG

got this from my big bro Greys blog

- What is your guilty pleasure Disney movie?
Cinderella

- What’s the longest you’ve gone without taking a bath?
1 day, that was just because I was being lazy!!

- If anyone u know (name the person pls) could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
Denzel Washington just sit and look at me or go over some lines of Training day with me! lol I know it is corny he just has to be there to watch T.V. with me.

- What is your best physical attribute? and why ?
A lot of people say it is my eyes, and some my smile.. I don't know why..

- Do you have a secret talent and what is it?
Piano, lol yeah I play it people!

- What is one thing are you afraid of?
As of today, right now...Myself

- If you had to spend eternity with one person, who would it be?
* Rolls Eyes*

- If you had to listen to only three songs for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Rhianna- Million Miles Away

Amazing Grace

Miles Davis- Summertime.

- What did you look like in 5th grade? Describe or upload a pic..
Did not go to 5th grade homeschooled.. and also I was a fat lil thing!! lol

- If someone made a movie about your life, who would you want to play ‘you’?
Charlize Theron

- Who is most beautiful person you know (inside and out).
I cannot list just one person... I know I know, but I cant so many beautiful people in my life

- If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be?
Will Smith

- What is the most annoying habit that a friend/boyfried/girlfriend/spouse has ever had?
someone, anyone that knows everything! oh I have a list but this is the MOST annoying.

- What is the meanest thing that you have done till date? (time to come clean buddy) Busted someones window, but it was an accident... But it felt good.

- What is that one question u wish i had asked u.. u can answer it too
Is life really like a box of chocolates? HELL NAH!

- What would have been that one question that you dread ?
Are you alright?

My EYES!

Today I slept in before going to the Doctor to get my eyes looked at.. I decided that I am going to have cosmetic surgery.. I am going to have lasik but I am also going to have my eyes reshaped.

I am a eye person and ever since I started having trouble with my eyes I have not been happy with them so I decided I will be blind for like 2-3 weeks in order to look Fab! lol

The queen of "I Love Cosmetic Surgery" went with me (chan) and I think I am going to be happy.. I think I am going to have a great time looking at me. I decided I needed a change, I always think I need a change, maybe it is my esteem? lol I have also been thinking about doing the Miss Kentucky Padget. Gosh I think I am following in someones footsteps and giving in to narcissism.

People, change is alright, Living life to the fullest is something that we all have to do. And to tell you a secret I am fine..Fine being on my own and fine to know that I have accomplished a lot in my life. There are a few things that I am not fine with but in due time I am going to be fine with that also.. Ya know me!

I am going through a very young Midlife crisis and getting ready to be an owner of a 2009 BMW boxster silver in color and well I think I am going to really enjoy it...I dunno what else to write her so I think I will hurry up and get off the blog before I go into a rant mode. lol

Your Dear friend
Hannah.

The Calmness Of The Beach.

I want to sit alone on the beach.. Let all my problems disappear and start Loving life again.
Today, I sat and I thought about Daddy.. I thought about what he would say to me right now..

I sat and thought about how life has changed so drastically. How families are suppose to be close and how one bad word can ruin a lifetime of closeness. Life is teaches, but it is up to us to listen.

Today I decided to listen.. My answer was Get on with your life, sometimes people are left behind, but memories will follow no matter how far the distance.....

Drunk Thoughts!

I went to bed last night so mad at myself for a lot of things that happened earlier the night before. I think I lost my mind and then today I got online because I was off today. Took a nap, and then what happened I got drunk. Yes I am drunk and I am blogging. Well not drunk to the point to where I cannot type but drunk enough to just write about some really dumb things I guess.

I want to know where people get off talking stupid things, calling all hours of the freaking night to ask what you are doing? Damnit i am sleep I am trying to get what little bit of rest I am entitled too. Then all of a sudden I hear these words on the phone again for the ummp teenth time. Your frown is amazing, I bet your smile can light up a part of the world, so my first words to him is your a fucking idoit, you have nothing better to do but call with stupid ass one line pieces of bullshit. yeah I said it and I am not feeling bad about it.

Everyone wants to know if Hannah is getting married, why the fuck should you care if I am getting married or not I am not marrying you and you don't have to pay for it if I am. right? Wrong, they still ask, because Blogger is full of rumors.

Is Hannah heart broken? I got an question for you instead of a answer. Is your life that much boring that you need to sit and think about what I do? Is my life or relationships worth more to you than your own... NO hannah is NOT a lesbian, hahaha I think that is so funny, because you never see me with a guy or hear me blogging about him or Her hahahahah you think I am a lesbian you all are full of shit. I mean come'on people.. Why am I so jealous? because I had, key word being HAD a guy that I was crazy about and well I flirted with Jealousy for awhile, well fuck it I still have jealousy in my heart when it comes to him, but hey that is none of your business. I am HAPPY do you fucking hear me? I AM HAPPY!! and if I am sad the only person that really really needs to know are the people that count in my life..

So back to marriage, hmmm NONE of your business. NONE AT ALL! if I want you to know I will send you an email or call you, get it? got it? GOOD!

What is going on with Mayz and I? Again NONE of your Business...
What is wrong with my attitude here lately, again NON of your business are you catching a hold of what I am saying? Everything is none of your business.. I am off limits and if you want to talk to Mayz well I say go to him and question him, I am sure you will get the same NONE of your business.. Ya want something to talk about I will give it to you.

here ya go.
I don't care what people think about me anymore, I am not going to be lil miss goodie 2shoes anymore I am going to me.. I don't want to hear about what my friends and or ex's are doing, I don't care if jimbob jumped off the fucking bridge, I have nothing to do with it. I don't care that I seem to be a timid, confused person to some of yall. I don't care anymore! I used to sit and cry about what people thought of me. I am do skinny, I have everything and I am still not happy, I am going to do this and that, I am at his blog more than yall's well people write about something that I can actually get into, If I want to comment I will if I don't well take it as a blessing, I could just come to your blog and say Hi! like a lot of yall do when you come to mine not reading anything..

I guess that sums it up! I have changed not because of breakups or my fathers death or because I am moving up in the corporate world, I have changed because people will not leave me alone.. I hurt because I started thinking people really cared about me and all they bring me is lies.. and bad new.. That is my heartbreak!!

SO there ya have it people, Nehya, Hannah, or whatever you call me is sane, she just is tired of all this bullshit that float around here, try to get to know me before I am classified as the dumb blonde or you go to others and talk about me, because it comes back to me. yeah, I do have some friends that let me know that my name is going around blogville as the sad, pathetic, stupid blonde.. Newsflash I am not stupid last time I checked I had a 3.4 gpa. Sorry to hurt your feelings.. okay no i am not sorry, but damnit yall hurt my feelings first. but no more.. No more will I go to another person and be mean to them due to information I got from yall so called fucking friends. I have said it many times, I don't think I am going to blog anymore this is my way of letting yall know I am fine. I think I am going to do radio shows for the rest of my life and let yall know I still don't care.. I really don't not anymore and you cannot make me care. Expecpt for the ones that ya know. I love and all that Jazz..... In other news, just for the people that are making me famous in blogville, I think I will move, get married, have wild passionate sex with the next guy I meet on the street, because I am SO FUCKING HEART BROKEN!!

Now be ever so helpful and kind give me another drink of wine!!

I'm Tired Of Pretending.....

I am the type of person that holds in my feelings unless I really feel comfortable around the person(s) then all of a sudden I am able to let my guard down. I trust this blog more than I trust a lot of people. This is a sounding board to where I don't have to worry. I don't feel like I am being judged. Well I have on some occasions but this is MY blog so I still feel comfortable putting my feelings down here.

I am tired of pretending I am alright. I am tired of sitting and listening to other people about their problems when I have problems of my own. What makes it worse is I do it with a smile on my face, as if I am not hurting.

Mostly I am tired of hiding the way I feel about people.

I think about you first thing in the morning.. and I carry you all day long with me, thinking about the good times and laughing at the bad times, because we seemed to always laugh when it is over. I pray for you every night before I close my eyes and I cry, I cry because I don't know what to do............

Then I realize I kept this hushed up too long, I held my tears and I cried silently as I laid in bed at night, but showed the strong side of myself during the day.....

I am tried of pretending that I don't Love you anymore....


It seems like you had me but I've never had you~Carrie from SITC

I Played it, But I'm gone.

This is what I am feeling!
I want it all or nothing... Does that make me selfish or does that make me human??

Is it wrong that I live in this little land that makes me happy and makes me smile to think of the good times and leave out all the bad times?

I appear strong to everyone, I don't want anyone to see the tears that run down my face, because I want to wipe the tears from everyone else. I want to see you smile the biggest smile that you have, even if you don't feel like smiling.. Does that make me selfish or human?

I see things I wish not to see anymore at all, I hear things that I don't want to be apart of. It hurts me so bad, and I have no one to hold my hand or send me words of encouragement. My heart is truly hurting, my eyes feel up with tears for no reason. "She" hurts me and you allow her too. I have that song etched in my head, Everybody Plays a Fool.... SOMETIMES!! and this time the fool was me.


Im gone now, no seriously I am, I can't look back. I have nothing left but of a river of tears and a heart shattered in a million pieces.

I Love you, Have fun and remember SMILE!

In The Moment...

Let's pretend that Nothing is wrong... Can we for just a minute?

Nothing has or is going to change, Come'on We are going to live in the moment..So what? A lot of things can happen in a moment, right?

While I was in those moments I was complete, I was happy and I was able to feel the love that I had for you and most of all the love that you had for me.. IN those Moments It was Not just You and Me.. It was Togetherness & Oneness...

That moment is gone.. But I promise, I swear I will walk away with memories..
Those sweet Memories we both made together in just that small Moment...



Ps Guys I am flying out to California on Thursday, wish me luck...

3 The Hard Way? Or Is It 4? I'm So Confused!!!

So, this blog of mine is like the other side of Nehya that I don't let out very much there is a couple of people that have seen her. Some call her the WILD CHILD! In all actuality she is my THINKING SIDE! Yeah she dont come out unless it is really needed ya know! She can get kinda Red Neck sometimes.. So we keep her put up..

Nehya is like this girl that is really curious and she needs to know answers to a lot of questions, that she really does not need to know, I guess it is the Psychology Major that comes out in her from time to time..

Hannah, She is like the really shy, I love you type of girl that really gets confused a lot. I mean not really confused I think people just don't break things down for me the way I want them to and so Confusion surfaces. Damn Yall Intellectual people!

As I said above The Other side of Nehya which is the true country girl or WILD CHILD.. Does things like 4wheelin, Hunting and She LOVES her guns and she also has a problem when it comes to BLOWING her lid sometimes.. that is why she is not allowed out a lot. She brings a lot of Havoc into situations, but it takes a whole lot to make this side come out.. Give her a pair of Oshkosh and a SHOT GUN in a open field with Deer and BAM! I got PETA pissed off, and maybe anyone else that I don't see while shooting and I get too close. I'm Just saying WEAR your damn Orange vest while out hunting, and if you did and a shot actually got to close, I am sorry blame it on the shift of the wind Please!


What I am trying to say, Is that Hannah, Nehya, and Wild child are all the same people we just like clash sometimes and become enemies. I prefer Nebu the sweet daddies girl that really thinks I can get away with stuff based on a lil pout and flutter of the eye lids.. But that is not working too much here lately so I have to like resort to I don't know I hope the hell you are keeping up cause I am really confused right now.. and well I guess this is Hannah coming out! lol DAMN! what the hell is wrong with me?? haha Okay enough chatter about These girls (they are different, tho they are the same) KEEP UP PEOPLE, Will Ya????

I am going to tell you all next about my NEW DIGS AKA my job and my New CONDO I just bought! HELL YEAH I BOUGHT MY FIRST PLACE!!! But I don't know if I am going to be able to live in it! Gosh I am so confused! lol That is for the next post and I am still at TomatoTomahto.. I really am I am going there now to answer a lot of comments!

See ya!!

Reality Check #1

Life does not always deal us the best cards so to say. Starting today I am I guess in a I don't really give a fuck about the past.. the only think I want from my past to go with me is memories. I have changed my thought process.

I hate this saying I am about to say right now.... There is a silver lining to every dark cloud!!

DON'T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME! It is true. Okay for me it is true.

I am not going to sit around and pout about what I cannot have vs what I have had.. Because let me tell you the good times outweigh all the bad that has ever happened in my life, even my daddy's death. I am blessed. At times I feel as if I am not worth the fight or anything at that matter.. But I tell you one thing I would not trade my life for nothing in the world..

My health is something that I am after to set straight. I have so much love in me that I try to not see that bad, no I am not looking at the world from rose colored glasses. I am looking at it from a "Reality Check" that I have received.

Ladies, when you love, Love with everything that you have in you. Don't just love because it is something to do. Let go, Let all of it out, Let your guard down. Allow yourself to be loved. I will tell you a little secret..... (come a little closer) I allowed myself to be loved for the first time in my life.. I really let go and it felt soooooo wonderful. Even when the relationship ends, the love still goes on between both partner's?? NOW that shit is LOVE! I have NO regrets, NO hate and above all NO anger!

So ladies and gents.. Life is not really bad.. Sometimes it is the choices that we tend to make that FUCKS it up! lol

Okay excuse me while I go and beat my head against the wall.. Cause I am trying to get through the Shock of my life then I will end up seeing the silver lining ! :P lol

Introducing Reality Check

I have been blogging for along time. I had a private blog that I wanted to make public.
But I decided that I would just make a new blog and trash the private one. (im crazy like that)


This blog is my stepping stone for myself.... to return to someone that I have known for along time, but in the hustle and bustle of life.. Became kinda insane, not too insane I love my life to a certain degree.. Here you are going to see me change right before your eyes.. I got some Magic dust up my sleeve and when you see the unveiling.. you will prolly DIE!! hahaha okay that was a lil dramatic but you will see like the me that you don't get see very often!!

I set this to an Adult thingie because we all know how country gals can swear once we get started onto something!

My new life is nothing short of something that I don't even know about. Yet I am still excited to go on this journey with you.. So I ask myself today To Please Return To Me!!!!

ps. I have to say seriously nothing in life has been a regret so I am not even going to go there with that! I am just going to be me! My life is GREAT! I have LOVE, FAMILY & FRIENDS to die for!! Come on! take a walk with me, Sometimes it will be a silent walk, sometimes I will talk your head off but as for now.. JUST WALK.. Take My hand I got something for ya!!