Friday, July 31, 2009

Drunk Thoughts!

I went to bed last night so mad at myself for a lot of things that happened earlier the night before. I think I lost my mind and then today I got online because I was off today. Took a nap, and then what happened I got drunk. Yes I am drunk and I am blogging. Well not drunk to the point to where I cannot type but drunk enough to just write about some really dumb things I guess.

I want to know where people get off talking stupid things, calling all hours of the freaking night to ask what you are doing? Damnit i am sleep I am trying to get what little bit of rest I am entitled too. Then all of a sudden I hear these words on the phone again for the ummp teenth time. Your frown is amazing, I bet your smile can light up a part of the world, so my first words to him is your a fucking idoit, you have nothing better to do but call with stupid ass one line pieces of bullshit. yeah I said it and I am not feeling bad about it.

Everyone wants to know if Hannah is getting married, why the fuck should you care if I am getting married or not I am not marrying you and you don't have to pay for it if I am. right? Wrong, they still ask, because Blogger is full of rumors.

Is Hannah heart broken? I got an question for you instead of a answer. Is your life that much boring that you need to sit and think about what I do? Is my life or relationships worth more to you than your own... NO hannah is NOT a lesbian, hahaha I think that is so funny, because you never see me with a guy or hear me blogging about him or Her hahahahah you think I am a lesbian you all are full of shit. I mean come'on people.. Why am I so jealous? because I had, key word being HAD a guy that I was crazy about and well I flirted with Jealousy for awhile, well fuck it I still have jealousy in my heart when it comes to him, but hey that is none of your business. I am HAPPY do you fucking hear me? I AM HAPPY!! and if I am sad the only person that really really needs to know are the people that count in my life..

So back to marriage, hmmm NONE of your business. NONE AT ALL! if I want you to know I will send you an email or call you, get it? got it? GOOD!

What is going on with Mayz and I? Again NONE of your Business...
What is wrong with my attitude here lately, again NON of your business are you catching a hold of what I am saying? Everything is none of your business.. I am off limits and if you want to talk to Mayz well I say go to him and question him, I am sure you will get the same NONE of your business.. Ya want something to talk about I will give it to you.

here ya go.
I don't care what people think about me anymore, I am not going to be lil miss goodie 2shoes anymore I am going to me.. I don't want to hear about what my friends and or ex's are doing, I don't care if jimbob jumped off the fucking bridge, I have nothing to do with it. I don't care that I seem to be a timid, confused person to some of yall. I don't care anymore! I used to sit and cry about what people thought of me. I am do skinny, I have everything and I am still not happy, I am going to do this and that, I am at his blog more than yall's well people write about something that I can actually get into, If I want to comment I will if I don't well take it as a blessing, I could just come to your blog and say Hi! like a lot of yall do when you come to mine not reading anything..

I guess that sums it up! I have changed not because of breakups or my fathers death or because I am moving up in the corporate world, I have changed because people will not leave me alone.. I hurt because I started thinking people really cared about me and all they bring me is lies.. and bad new.. That is my heartbreak!!

SO there ya have it people, Nehya, Hannah, or whatever you call me is sane, she just is tired of all this bullshit that float around here, try to get to know me before I am classified as the dumb blonde or you go to others and talk about me, because it comes back to me. yeah, I do have some friends that let me know that my name is going around blogville as the sad, pathetic, stupid blonde.. Newsflash I am not stupid last time I checked I had a 3.4 gpa. Sorry to hurt your feelings.. okay no i am not sorry, but damnit yall hurt my feelings first. but no more.. No more will I go to another person and be mean to them due to information I got from yall so called fucking friends. I have said it many times, I don't think I am going to blog anymore this is my way of letting yall know I am fine. I think I am going to do radio shows for the rest of my life and let yall know I still don't care.. I really don't not anymore and you cannot make me care. Expecpt for the ones that ya know. I love and all that Jazz..... In other news, just for the people that are making me famous in blogville, I think I will move, get married, have wild passionate sex with the next guy I meet on the street, because I am SO FUCKING HEART BROKEN!!

Now be ever so helpful and kind give me another drink of wine!!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

I'm Tired Of Pretending.....

I am the type of person that holds in my feelings unless I really feel comfortable around the person(s) then all of a sudden I am able to let my guard down. I trust this blog more than I trust a lot of people. This is a sounding board to where I don't have to worry. I don't feel like I am being judged. Well I have on some occasions but this is MY blog so I still feel comfortable putting my feelings down here.

I am tired of pretending I am alright. I am tired of sitting and listening to other people about their problems when I have problems of my own. What makes it worse is I do it with a smile on my face, as if I am not hurting.

Mostly I am tired of hiding the way I feel about people.

I think about you first thing in the morning.. and I carry you all day long with me, thinking about the good times and laughing at the bad times, because we seemed to always laugh when it is over. I pray for you every night before I close my eyes and I cry, I cry because I don't know what to do............

Then I realize I kept this hushed up too long, I held my tears and I cried silently as I laid in bed at night, but showed the strong side of myself during the day.....

I am tried of pretending that I don't Love you anymore....

It seems like you had me but I've never had you~Carrie from SITC

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I Played it, But I'm gone.

This is what I am feeling!
I want it all or nothing... Does that make me selfish or does that make me human??

Is it wrong that I live in this little land that makes me happy and makes me smile to think of the good times and leave out all the bad times?

I appear strong to everyone, I don't want anyone to see the tears that run down my face, because I want to wipe the tears from everyone else. I want to see you smile the biggest smile that you have, even if you don't feel like smiling.. Does that make me selfish or human?

I see things I wish not to see anymore at all, I hear things that I don't want to be apart of. It hurts me so bad, and I have no one to hold my hand or send me words of encouragement. My heart is truly hurting, my eyes feel up with tears for no reason. "She" hurts me and you allow her too. I have that song etched in my head, Everybody Plays a Fool.... SOMETIMES!! and this time the fool was me.

Im gone now, no seriously I am, I can't look back. I have nothing left but of a river of tears and a heart shattered in a million pieces.

I Love you, Have fun and remember SMILE!

Monday, July 20, 2009

In The Moment...

Let's pretend that Nothing is wrong... Can we for just a minute?

Nothing has or is going to change, Come'on We are going to live in the moment..So what? A lot of things can happen in a moment, right?

While I was in those moments I was complete, I was happy and I was able to feel the love that I had for you and most of all the love that you had for me.. IN those Moments It was Not just You and Me.. It was Togetherness & Oneness...

That moment is gone.. But I promise, I swear I will walk away with memories..
Those sweet Memories we both made together in just that small Moment...

Ps Guys I am flying out to California on Thursday, wish me luck...

Saturday, July 18, 2009

3 The Hard Way? Or Is It 4? I'm So Confused!!!

So, this blog of mine is like the other side of Nehya that I don't let out very much there is a couple of people that have seen her. Some call her the WILD CHILD! In all actuality she is my THINKING SIDE! Yeah she dont come out unless it is really needed ya know! She can get kinda Red Neck sometimes.. So we keep her put up..

Nehya is like this girl that is really curious and she needs to know answers to a lot of questions, that she really does not need to know, I guess it is the Psychology Major that comes out in her from time to time..

Hannah, She is like the really shy, I love you type of girl that really gets confused a lot. I mean not really confused I think people just don't break things down for me the way I want them to and so Confusion surfaces. Damn Yall Intellectual people!

As I said above The Other side of Nehya which is the true country girl or WILD CHILD.. Does things like 4wheelin, Hunting and She LOVES her guns and she also has a problem when it comes to BLOWING her lid sometimes.. that is why she is not allowed out a lot. She brings a lot of Havoc into situations, but it takes a whole lot to make this side come out.. Give her a pair of Oshkosh and a SHOT GUN in a open field with Deer and BAM! I got PETA pissed off, and maybe anyone else that I don't see while shooting and I get too close. I'm Just saying WEAR your damn Orange vest while out hunting, and if you did and a shot actually got to close, I am sorry blame it on the shift of the wind Please!

What I am trying to say, Is that Hannah, Nehya, and Wild child are all the same people we just like clash sometimes and become enemies. I prefer Nebu the sweet daddies girl that really thinks I can get away with stuff based on a lil pout and flutter of the eye lids.. But that is not working too much here lately so I have to like resort to I don't know I hope the hell you are keeping up cause I am really confused right now.. and well I guess this is Hannah coming out! lol DAMN! what the hell is wrong with me?? haha Okay enough chatter about These girls (they are different, tho they are the same) KEEP UP PEOPLE, Will Ya????

I am going to tell you all next about my NEW DIGS AKA my job and my New CONDO I just bought! HELL YEAH I BOUGHT MY FIRST PLACE!!! But I don't know if I am going to be able to live in it! Gosh I am so confused! lol That is for the next post and I am still at TomatoTomahto.. I really am I am going there now to answer a lot of comments!

See ya!!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Reality Check #1

Life does not always deal us the best cards so to say. Starting today I am I guess in a I don't really give a fuck about the past.. the only think I want from my past to go with me is memories. I have changed my thought process.

I hate this saying I am about to say right now.... There is a silver lining to every dark cloud!!

DON'T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME! It is true. Okay for me it is true.

I am not going to sit around and pout about what I cannot have vs what I have had.. Because let me tell you the good times outweigh all the bad that has ever happened in my life, even my daddy's death. I am blessed. At times I feel as if I am not worth the fight or anything at that matter.. But I tell you one thing I would not trade my life for nothing in the world..

My health is something that I am after to set straight. I have so much love in me that I try to not see that bad, no I am not looking at the world from rose colored glasses. I am looking at it from a "Reality Check" that I have received.

Ladies, when you love, Love with everything that you have in you. Don't just love because it is something to do. Let go, Let all of it out, Let your guard down. Allow yourself to be loved. I will tell you a little secret..... (come a little closer) I allowed myself to be loved for the first time in my life.. I really let go and it felt soooooo wonderful. Even when the relationship ends, the love still goes on between both partner's?? NOW that shit is LOVE! I have NO regrets, NO hate and above all NO anger!

So ladies and gents.. Life is not really bad.. Sometimes it is the choices that we tend to make that FUCKS it up! lol

Okay excuse me while I go and beat my head against the wall.. Cause I am trying to get through the Shock of my life then I will end up seeing the silver lining ! :P lol

Introducing Reality Check

I have been blogging for along time. I had a private blog that I wanted to make public.
But I decided that I would just make a new blog and trash the private one. (im crazy like that)

This blog is my stepping stone for myself.... to return to someone that I have known for along time, but in the hustle and bustle of life.. Became kinda insane, not too insane I love my life to a certain degree.. Here you are going to see me change right before your eyes.. I got some Magic dust up my sleeve and when you see the unveiling.. you will prolly DIE!! hahaha okay that was a lil dramatic but you will see like the me that you don't get see very often!!

I set this to an Adult thingie because we all know how country gals can swear once we get started onto something!

My new life is nothing short of something that I don't even know about. Yet I am still excited to go on this journey with you.. So I ask myself today To Please Return To Me!!!!

ps. I have to say seriously nothing in life has been a regret so I am not even going to go there with that! I am just going to be me! My life is GREAT! I have LOVE, FAMILY & FRIENDS to die for!! Come on! take a walk with me, Sometimes it will be a silent walk, sometimes I will talk your head off but as for now.. JUST WALK.. Take My hand I got something for ya!!